Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
