I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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