Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
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He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
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His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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