Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
