Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
