So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
