why didn't you poke me back
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
