do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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