i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
