you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Can you repeat that, but with context?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
