If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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