Christians are straight up FREAKS
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
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She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
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Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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