Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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