he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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