They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
You ever have a fart follow you around?