I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
