I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize