1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
