You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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