if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
