this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
