I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
