so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
