I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
