I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
