We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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