thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
