I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
