i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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