he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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