He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
