We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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