My hand turned me down
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
