Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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