I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
