you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
