He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
