Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
