You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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