One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
