i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
