is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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