he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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