I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
