did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
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Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
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We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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