They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
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triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
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He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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