I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
