I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
