These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
