some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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