Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
