Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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