They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
