How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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