so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
