i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
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Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
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I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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