dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
