I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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