Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
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