Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize