Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
