My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I did not marry a roomba.
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