Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
