toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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