he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
